she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize