careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
