Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
