one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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