try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
