Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
