If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
