Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
