my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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