Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
