ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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