Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
