speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
