How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
