Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
