Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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