Michael Bay diarrhea
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
