dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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