I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
