dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
