Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
