My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
