Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
