The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
