just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
