Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize