when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize