My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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