apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
