Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We talked him into tasing himself.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
