youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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