i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
