Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
