Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
