All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you didnt know i had herpes?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
