What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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