I wish I could teleport
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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