I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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