The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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