I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
