New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize