he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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