Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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