If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
