My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
