She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
