I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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