I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
