well you can't waste a boner
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize