How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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