I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
