Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I smell like Dick and happiness
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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