nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
