This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
