also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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