Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
