it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
