I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I did not marry a roomba.
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