No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
