SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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