Small penises have feelings too.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
