Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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