If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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