Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
