I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
