What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
