Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
