you would pick up someone in the library
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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