Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
