So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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