She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
