My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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