then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
