No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
