dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
organizing the empties. That sober.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
