a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
