I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
