Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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