Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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