there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
