I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize