if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
