My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
