The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
