Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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