take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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