She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize