just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
