Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Fuck appropriateness.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
