i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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