Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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