so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
