Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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