i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
