): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
