Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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