I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
