she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
