He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
